Lessons, advice & perspectives from my mistakes as a father to challenge you & hold you accountable to becoming the Hero in your family's story, not the Villain.
The Way A Husband & Father Should Show Up
|
My wife and I recently took the family to spend almost a week at the beach. While two of my daughters were playing on the giant seawall rocks, I had a realization about the way a husband should show up for his wife and a father for his daughters… If you want to watch the YouTube video, click below, otherwise, keep on reading! Watching the ocean pound away at the rocks reminded me of how a father should show up for his daughter, and a husband should show up for his wife. Let me explain a bit: If you're like me, sometimes you have trouble with her emotions... Trouble understanding… Trouble not feeling whipped around… Trouble being patient with her… Trouble letting her feel them without trying to fix or control them... But, here's the thing: the rocks don't move when the waves crash into them. Your love and acceptance should be the rock that is immovable under the assault of her emotional waves. To a human body, the waves hit with so much force, it would be impossible to not be knocked over. But the rock remains unmoved. The driftwood, on the other hand, is yanked this way and that, and then swept out to sea. Too often, I’ve felt like the driftwood; at the mercy of either my wife or my daughters emotions. Dragged around, undercut, blindsided. And really frustrated. The key is to not let her moods dictate yours. Don’t build your foundation on a piece of driftwood, build it on the rock. No, you don't always need to give in. You don't want to let her walk all over you. Don’t refuse to stand up for yourself. Sometimes boundaries need to be set. There is undoubtedly some nuance here. But don't withhold your love and acceptance either. You can't pick up those rocks and move them. The rocks don’t get to choose what waves to weather and which ones to dodge away from. They're steady, consistent, reliable. She needs to trust that your love and acceptance will always be there, like the rocks. This also doesn't mean you are inflexible or rigid. The immovable rock is your love and acceptance for her, not your opinions or expectations. You can be disappointed, frustrated, even angry with her, and yet, these rocks are still immovable. Always present. Always steady. And sometimes, her emotions will feel overwhelming to her, too. She won’t always understand them. In those times, let her lean on your rock, trusting in your love and acceptance, weathering her own storms on your reliable strength. I’ve found that when you can do that, it actually calms the storms quicker. By letting her feel her emotional waves and lean into your steadiness and strength, she feels safe to process faster. When you are ready, there are 3 ways that I can help you:
|
How To Not Fail As A Father
by Locke Haman
Lessons, advice & perspectives from my mistakes as a father to challenge you & hold you accountable to becoming the Hero in your family's story, not the Villain.
Can we borrow joy from our kids? The word borrow is a bit misleading… Kids naturally have so much joy in their lives that they wouldn’t notice if we did borrow some, but the reality is that it’s not a zero-sum game. When we gain joy from their joy, they lose nothing. It’s not a 1-for-1 trade like most of our adult world is. Just like how they seem to leave a mess in any room they walk through, they also leave energy, laughter & excitement… we just might not notice. Like dirty fingerprints on...
If you can’t fully commit to being a team with your wife, then your marriage is doomed to failure. My marriage proves this lesson. There were so many times when my wife or I created the struggle by viewing each other as opponents instead of teammates. We sought victory over each other instead of victory with each other. We fought against each other instead of for each other. We tried to win the argument instead of resolve the disagreement. And our marriage suffered for it. We were on the...
To all the dads with daughters… As Girl-Dads, we are in a war for our daughters' hearts & souls. That may sound a bit dramatic, but if we look a little closer, I think it's entirely accurate. The world is constantly trying to tell our daughters that they are not good enough. Our girls are being bombarded from all angles with the constant message of “You are not enough.” As Alvin Price says, “Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke...