There is one phrase that completely changed my relationship AND my parenting...

It sounds too simple to be true. It sounds like an oversimplification or a dramatic, click-bait kind of statement to make. But it’s not. It really did change everything.

If you want to watch the YouTube video about this phrase, click below, otherwise, keep on reading!

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“I love you more than I need to be right.”

This one phrase completely changed the way I looked at how I was acting with my wife AND my kids. The resulting changes in my behavior were profound.

"I love you more than i need to be right." This is something I say to myself. In my head. It is a reality check, a reminder to focus on what is important.

When I’m tempted to argue with my wife (which is more than I’d like to admit), I remind myself “I love her more than I need to be right.” Is what we’re arguing about going to matter in 5 years, or even 5 minutes? Do I really want to sacrifice the quality of my relationship just to win this argument? No, I love her more than I need to win this argument.

I’m the middle of 3 boys, and I always felt like I needed to argue and prove I was right to get enough attention. When this bad habit pops up in my interactions with my wife (or even my kids), I remind myself: "I love you more than I need to give in to childhood insecurities."

When I catch myself overly correcting my kids, or not letting them do things their way, “I love you more than I need you to do it my way.” What’s more important: proving myself right or raising good humans? Having them do it the fastest way or letting them learn? "I love you more than I need to control you." What do I want my legacy as a father to be: teaching them to think for themselves or mentally beating them into submission? "I love them more than I need to have them agree with me."

And let’s be clear: this is NOT an expression you say out loud. I think it’s safe to say that if you tell your wife “I love you more than I need to be right,” it might not bring out a positive response. It could certainly come across as condescending. This is something I say to myself. In my head. It is a reality check for myself, and no one else.

This is a phrase that can be re-worded to fit almost any situation. If your kids are taking forever to get out the door: "I love you more than I need to get out the door on time." If you struggle with crying kids like I do: "I love you more than I need to get you to calm down." If you and your partner are disagreeing on the best way to do something: "I love you more than I need you to do it my way." Adapt it to any situation where you ego is triggered and wants to take control.

An important reminder: there is a lot of nuance here. There are definitely times where you need to stand up for yourself. I’m not talking about letting people walk all over you. I’m not saying you don’t set boundaries, or enforce well-thought out rules and structure. This is not about giving in all the time, or always putting yourself last. It’s just a reminder to not get caught up in the normal human desire to always be right, to always be agreed with, to always have people do it your way.

If you liked this, you might enjoy our recent podcast episode #87 "How Your Relationships Reveal You Like A Mirror"
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