Lessons, advice & perspectives from my mistakes as a father to challenge you & hold you accountable to becoming the Hero in your family's story, not the Villain.
The Phrase That Completely Changed My Relationship & Parenting...
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There is one phrase that completely changed my relationship AND my parenting... It sounds too simple to be true. It sounds like an oversimplification or a dramatic, click-bait kind of statement to make. But it’s not. It really did change everything. If you want to watch the YouTube video about this phrase, click below, otherwise, keep on reading! “I love you more than I need to be right.” This one phrase completely changed the way I looked at how I was acting with my wife AND my kids. The resulting changes in my behavior were profound. "I love you more than i need to be right." This is something I say to myself. In my head. It is a reality check, a reminder to focus on what is important. When I’m tempted to argue with my wife (which is more than I’d like to admit), I remind myself “I love her more than I need to be right.” Is what we’re arguing about going to matter in 5 years, or even 5 minutes? Do I really want to sacrifice the quality of my relationship just to win this argument? No, I love her more than I need to win this argument. I’m the middle of 3 boys, and I always felt like I needed to argue and prove I was right to get enough attention. When this bad habit pops up in my interactions with my wife (or even my kids), I remind myself: "I love you more than I need to give in to childhood insecurities." When I catch myself overly correcting my kids, or not letting them do things their way, “I love you more than I need you to do it my way.” What’s more important: proving myself right or raising good humans? Having them do it the fastest way or letting them learn? "I love you more than I need to control you." What do I want my legacy as a father to be: teaching them to think for themselves or mentally beating them into submission? "I love them more than I need to have them agree with me." And let’s be clear: this is NOT an expression you say out loud. I think it’s safe to say that if you tell your wife “I love you more than I need to be right,” it might not bring out a positive response. It could certainly come across as condescending. This is something I say to myself. In my head. It is a reality check for myself, and no one else. This is a phrase that can be re-worded to fit almost any situation. If your kids are taking forever to get out the door: "I love you more than I need to get out the door on time." If you struggle with crying kids like I do: "I love you more than I need to get you to calm down." If you and your partner are disagreeing on the best way to do something: "I love you more than I need you to do it my way." Adapt it to any situation where you ego is triggered and wants to take control. An important reminder: there is a lot of nuance here. There are definitely times where you need to stand up for yourself. I’m not talking about letting people walk all over you. I’m not saying you don’t set boundaries, or enforce well-thought out rules and structure. This is not about giving in all the time, or always putting yourself last. It’s just a reminder to not get caught up in the normal human desire to always be right, to always be agreed with, to always have people do it your way. If you liked this, you might enjoy our recent podcast episode #87 "How Your Relationships Reveal You Like A Mirror" When you are ready, there are 3 ways that I can help you: 1. Book a FREE 45-Minute "Power Session" Trouble shoot, get some outside perspective on what you're struggling with, ask for advice or learn more about 1-on-1 coaching & the Men's Groups... This session is FREE with no strings attached. No hard-close sales pitch. 2. Apply for one of the Men's Groups: Join a small group of men forming an environment of brotherhood & accountability to grow into uncommon men, husbands and fathers. 3. Apply for 1-on-1 Coaching: Focused, personalized 1-on-1 attention and accountability to go deep on your inner journey with an experienced guide. Firm but caring accountability from another man is a game-changer. |
How To Not Fail As A Father
by Locke Haman
Lessons, advice & perspectives from my mistakes as a father to challenge you & hold you accountable to becoming the Hero in your family's story, not the Villain.
Can we borrow joy from our kids? The word borrow is a bit misleading… Kids naturally have so much joy in their lives that they wouldn’t notice if we did borrow some, but the reality is that it’s not a zero-sum game. When we gain joy from their joy, they lose nothing. It’s not a 1-for-1 trade like most of our adult world is. Just like how they seem to leave a mess in any room they walk through, they also leave energy, laughter & excitement… we just might not notice. Like dirty fingerprints on...
If you can’t fully commit to being a team with your wife, then your marriage is doomed to failure. My marriage proves this lesson. There were so many times when my wife or I created the struggle by viewing each other as opponents instead of teammates. We sought victory over each other instead of victory with each other. We fought against each other instead of for each other. We tried to win the argument instead of resolve the disagreement. And our marriage suffered for it. We were on the...
To all the dads with daughters… As Girl-Dads, we are in a war for our daughters' hearts & souls. That may sound a bit dramatic, but if we look a little closer, I think it's entirely accurate. The world is constantly trying to tell our daughters that they are not good enough. Our girls are being bombarded from all angles with the constant message of “You are not enough.” As Alvin Price says, “Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke...